Top 5 Online Dating Profile Clichés

1. I love to laugh. If you haven’t looked through the profiles of thousands of women, I can’t possibly explain to you the ubiquity of this statement in terms you can understand. It is in literally every dating profile of every woman on the entire internets. Ladies, it’s great that you love to laugh – who doesn’t? - but you want to stand out, not blend in – so maybe you should steer clear of this statement. Guys, pay attention – maybe you should take in improv class or two.
2. I love to live life to the fullest. This statement has been used so many times that it’s as devoid of meaning as a clearing of the throat, or the statements “uh,” “um,” and “The Office is the best show on television.” If this is really what you love, great; but try to explain it in your own words, maybe “I approach life with the belief that one should experience as many things as possible.” Then, give a few examples of what you mean by that. Ultimately, “living life to the fullest,” is subjective. It means different things to different people, so be clear about what it means to you.
3. I’m up for anything. I simply don’t believe this statement. Running around the city naked? Skateboarding down the interstate? Scuba diving with great white sharks with a flank steak tied to your ankle? To me, this says “I am so uncreative, my interests are so ordinary, and my sphere of awareness of potential activities is so narrow, I can’t think of anything that I would not be ‘up for.’ Really, I am up for any crazy thing, be it going to a movie, trying a crazy tapas place, or even going to one of those insane bars where they let you just throw peanut shells on the floor. I am wild.”
4. It’s really hard to write about yourself. Clearly, because that’s what you aren’t doing right now. I’ve seen this statement so many times that I instantly close any profile that has it in it. Personally, I find writing about oneself to be a healthy activity. It reveals alot about your personality and mental maturity when you try to frame yourself in words and concepts other people can understand. If you’re really having trouble writing about yourself, maybe you should take some time doing so in your own personal journal – away from the eyes of the entire internets – you’ll be doing yourself a favor. I do this, and I’m a guy, isn’t that supposed to be a girly activity?
5. My friends talked me into this / I’m skeptical of this whole online dating thing / Some other concession for their presence on the site. Thanks. I must be a total loser to be using this site in earnest to put forth serious effort in finding someone to love. Can you tell how excited I am to date you now? It’s 2008. People have been using the internet to find love for well over a decade, and you’re still skeptical? Personally, I prefer someone a little more open-minded, who doesn’t insult my efforts to find a partner.

Wow, that was an angry post. Maybe I need to do some journal writing. Admittedly, these clichés are examples of things I’ve seen on women’s profiles. Ladies, what clichés do you see on men’s profiles?

Writing Messages on Match.com: The One-Line Hook

If, try as you might, you can’t get winks on match.com instead of writing messages, and there’s a special woman you’re set on contacting, nothing I’ve found works better than “the one-line hook.” This is a one-sentence question that is relevant to the content of a profile, that “hooks” your target into responding.

Remember, when you are making first contact, you have one goal, and that is to get a response, which will show that she is, in fact, also interested in you (while also helping build that interest).

Some one-line hooks that have worked for me include:

• To a self-proclaimed Thai food lover: “Hey there, I’m new in town, and I haven’t been able to find a good Thai restaurant, what do you recommend?”
• To a girl who said under “Education” that she had a Master’s Certificate in Project Management: “You can get a Master’s in Project Management? Interesting, I didn’t know that.”

The main criteria are that it concern a subject that is of interest to them, as expressed in their profile, and that it poses a compelling question that they will hardly be able to resist answering. Now, don’t get controversial, or attack anything about them with this question. Find something in their profile that genuinely interests you, that you would like to know more about, and ask about it. If you can’t find such a thing, you should probably move on, as the attraction is probably strictly based upon looks, and is a dead end.

Does it absolutley have to be a one-line message? No, but this compelling question should be the main focus of the message. If you have an interesting story to introduce this question, even better!

The reasons this is a great tactic are:

• It gets them talking about everyone’s favorite subject: themselves (this is where you are building their interest in you)
• It’s focused around a topic that you already know interests them, since they’ve talked about it in their profile
• It conserves energy. Don’t get me wrong, this is almost always more effective than a longer message, but you don’t want to expend too much energy writing a message to any one woman because 1) only paid members can even respond to you and you have no way of knowing if they are even a paying member, and 2) you’ll be spending time that you could be spending writing messages to other potential interests on writing to someone who, for a variety of potential reasons, may not respond.

There are three typical potential outcomes from this message you write:

• They don’t respond. Expect this to happen alot, and don’t assume that it’s just because they aren’t interested.
• They respond with a very direct, very short, message. They probably aren’t particularly interested. It’s worth digging deeper with another question, especially if it comes along with a related personal story; but make that your last shot
• They respond, and start a conversation based upon contents from your profile. Score! They’re interested. This is the common, and intended, outcome of this tactic.

Securing a date is another subject, but you’re well on your way.

Match.com Guarantee Granted

So an update on my progress with the match.com guarantee. My theory that, during the course of 6 months, someone is bound to have at least one love interest that makes them skimp on their end of the guarantee, has held up (your end is keeping an active profile, having a photo on your profile, and contacting at least 5 members a month). I did date one woman with whom things went so well that, after seeing her for several weeks, we became “official” and I deactivated my profile, thus forfeiting my chance at getting another 6 months free. When things ended up not working out a week later, as you can imagine, I was frustrated with that decision – but hey, it wouldn’t have been right to have my profile active, right?

I assumed it was all a done deal, and I just went along my way, not planning on trying to get an extension, and not planning on renewing my subscription; but just trying some other dating avenues for awhile. Then one day, I noticed on my credit card statement that Match.com had charged another $102 to my credit card for another 6 months. Apparently, I had forgotten to go cancel my account, and thus it automatically charged me again.

I certainly wasn’t interested in paying for another 6 months of Match.com, so I called them to tell them I wanted that money back. Not only did they give me my money back, but, upon noticing that I had come so close to meeting the requirements of the guarantee, and without my even asking, they granted me another 6 months free.

Of course what good is a service that isn’t any good anyway? Indeed. As much as I feel like I’ve given up on this particular avenue for finding “the one.” I doubt I’ll be able to resist spending hours scanning through profiles; and maybe even going on a few dates.

Online Dating can at least be practice

I saw a smart comment on a thread on MetaFilter.com, regarding whether or not to date on Match.com.

…you will be busy with having coffee here, a glass of wine there, and trying out a new dessert bar at some other place. You’re meeting people, finding out more about them and yourself. Someone else in another part of your life meets you and thinks, “Hmmm. He seems pretty fun. He isn’t too intense or brooding at home on a Saturday night. He’s been to that funky new wine bar, the one I’ve wanted to check out….”

This is a great point. Personally, if I waited until I found someone worth dating in real life, I would probably go on a date a year. Once I was on that date, I wouldn’t know what I was doing. Even if you don’t meet your perfect mate from Match.com, it least it gets you out of the house, and gets you into practice so that you won’t be tongue-tied when you do finally meet “the one.”

Match.com’s “Make Love Happen” Guarantee

While I’ve clearly come up with some good theories on online dating success, I still suffer from being very selective. Thus, with my latest Match.com subscription, I signed up for 6-months to get the “Make Love Happen” guarantee. It’s simple. If you don’t have a girlfriend by the end of 6-months, you get another 6-months free – which would actually probably feel pretty pathetic

There are some restrictions though:

• You have to keep a photo on your profile. Easy.
• You have to keep your profile visible. Also, easy.
• You have to write to at least 5 members a month. Also, simple.

My initial thought is that it’s pretty unlikely for a person to get through the whole thing without slipping up. Even if you don’t find a girlfriend by the end of 6 months, you’re bound to have one or two that you see for about 6-8 weeks, lose interest in Match.com, and thus wind up skipping a month and blowing the whole thing. Well, so far, I’m just starting out on month 4. I’ll keep you updated on my progress (or lack thereof, whichever is which).

Match.com profile photo tips

It doesn’t matter how well you write your profile, if you don’t present yourself attractively with your profile photos, women won’t even get to the part of reading about you. Period. Whether you’re good-looking or not, the quality of the photo can make all of the difference. Poor lighting, “red-eye” or the wrong facial expression can all make even Adonis look more like Quasimodo. Your profile photo should be the best (recent) photo ever taken of you. Here’s some advice for getting the right main profile photo

• Smile – or don’t. It all depends on the archetype that you’re presenting. For example, if you really are “the hot guy,” then maybe you can get away with a more sultry stare. Otherwise, you’ll need a smile. A real smile. This can be tough to pull off when trying to take a picture of yourself, so next time you’re either out with friends, or at a wedding – some place where you’ll really be smiling (because you’re surrounded by friends and/or family), make sure you get a picture that includes you with a big, real smile.
• Just you. Personally, I feel weird about including any of my friends or family members in any of my photos. You may feel otherwise, but definitely don’t include a picture of your ex. If you don’t already know how to crop a photo – then figure it out, and definitely don’t “black out” or paint over any faces.
• Don’t be afraid to go pro. If you just can’t dig up a great photo of yourself, you may want to hire a professional to take a sort of “head shot” of you. Like I say, good lighting can make all of the difference, and they can certainly take care of that for you.

If the main photo is the golden arches that direct her to get closer, then the other photos are smell of fresh french fries that brings her in. Rather than just being a repeat of the “head on” photo that you have for your main profile, these photos should be the absolutely most interesting photos you have that provide some “conversation nuggets.” Here are some guidelines.

• Be interesting. As a guideline, think about the conversations that could be started by a photo. For example, if there’s a photo of you eating a gigantic pretzel at Oktoberfest, that’s interesting. If she asks about it, you can tell her all about your trip around Germany – or maybe she recognizes the scenery and has a story she’s dying to tell you about her own trip. If it’s just a photo of you standing in your hallway, that’s not interesting. Hopefully that doesn’t need any more explanation.
• Stay dignified. I don’t care if your archetype is “the joker,” your photos still have to be dignified. This isn’t to say that your photos shouldn’t display your sense of humor a bit, but be careful. When in doubt, ask yourself “do I look in control of the situation in this photo?” If the answer is “yes,” you should be okay. Photo of you gracefully in command of a unicycle with a big grin on your face: okay. Photo of you with a “kick me” sign on your back, getting kicked: not okay.
• Adorable by association. Don’t be afraid to include photos of you with things that the woman of your dreams will associate positive feelings with. So, if you’re a dog person, go ahead and take a photo of you with a cute dog in your life. I have three pictures of me, with different dogs. I’m not kidding – and it certainly hasn’t hurt.
• Keep your shirt on, but let her see your pants. One complaint I’ve heard from many women regarding men’s profiles is “there’s too many guys with their shirts off.” It doesn’t matter what kind of bod’ you have – there’s no excuse for that in your profile. However, just like you expect them to have a photo or two where you can get an idea of their body type, so should you – it’s only fair.

Got profile photos you’d like me to review? Just send them to russruggles@gmail.com, and I can give you my best advice. All photos will remain private unless we agree otherwise.

Don’t Write Messages on Match.com – Get Winks!

So, you’ve browsed dozens of profiles, reading every last detail, and you’ve finally got your heart set on this one woman whom you’re sure is the woman of your dreams. You spend hours trying to craft the wittiest message that you can, and lo and behold – she never writes back. Now you’ve spent all of this time – and you’ve lost all of your confidence.

Don’t get too upset. Just because she didn’t write back doesn’t mean that she wasn’t interested. Keep in mind that only paid Match.com subscribers can read and reply to messages. So she may have a profile up, but no paid subscription.

The way to avoid situations like this, and to be in a more favorable position when first contact does occur, is to get her to make first contact – hopefully in the form of a “wink.” You do this by:

• having a great profile with a compelling “about me” section that tells her to wink
• making sure she sees you, by doing the Match.com “who’s viewed me” shuffle

And how does having her wink at you put you in a more favorable position? Hopefully I don’t really have to explain this, but she has then expressed interest, and wants your approval, in the form of a response message.

Why not just write to her? Writing good messages to women on Match is hard enough as it is – and writing a good first message that elicits a response should only be attempted once you’ve gotten the hang of writing to, and securing dates with, women who have already expressed interest.

Why not wink at her yourself? Because this is just weak, and women generally don’t like it. When you wink at a girl, you put the burden on her to put forth the effort to craft a message. Remember how many two-sentence, half-assed profiles you’ve seen out there, and you think women will jump at the chance to write to any schlep that winks at her? You want to make this easy for your dream woman. The only thing you’re asking is that she click on that little “wink” button – you do the rest.

The Match.com “Who’s Viewed Me” Shuffle

The trick to having a successful first contact with a potential match is getting her to contact you first; and for her to decide to contact you, she has to see you first. So, what I like to do is make a point of clicking through to alot of (attractive) women’s profiles – even if I don’t read them, so that I show up in their “who’s viewed me.” I know from experience that women check this pretty often, and I’ve even talked to some who only use that feature to find matches – they never search.

So, by showing up in her “who’s viewed me,” you give your dream woman a chance to make first contact: preferably a “wink.” Soon, you’ll at least see her in your “who’s viewed me.” Unless you are really strongly attracted to her at this point, if she hasn’t initiated first contact by now, it’s best to move on, because:

• Winking is a weak – and risky – move for a man to make.
• Making first contact through a message takes too much time and care to invest in a woman who hasn’t shown real interest in you.
• Making first contact at all puts you in a weak position.
• More about these reasons here

Hopefully you’ve made a strong call-to-action in your well-written “about me” section, so if she was interested, she would have winked. Note that if she doesn’t show up in your “who’s viewed me” section, consider yourself to have saved some time and effort, because only paid Match subscribers can view the “who’s viewed me” section so she was either not interested by your main profile photo, or she isn’t a paid subsciber herself, and thus can’t correspond with you through messages anyway.

So essentially, the ”who’s viewed me” shuffle puts your profile in front of the eyes of many women who interest you, and you find out which of them are also interested. At the same time, you save yourself from investing time, energy, and emotion in trying to contact women who haven’t expressed interest in you. You also stay in position to benefit from the fact that getting the woman to make first contact is always best.

Watch out for “The Angles”: 5 online profile photo warning signs

Judging the appearance of a potential online mate, soley from photos, can be nerve-racking. No matter how many photos a woman has on her profile, I always find myself with my nose about half-an-inch from the screen looking out for subtleties I may have missed at first glance: does she have a giant chin? stubby oompa-loompa arms? a lazy eye? Yeah, I’ve met a few surprises in my day, and yes, I think looks are important. If you’re going to be motivated enough to get to know this cutie, she better be – well – a cutie.

So, what have I learned to look out for in my many experiences of transitioning from 2D to 3?

1. No photos, or just one or two. When I first started meeting women online, you were really lucky if you could find one who had a scanned-in photo to share. Now, there is no excuse for not having at least three photos on a profile, with one straight-on face shot and one shot that gives you a good idea of her body type. If she doesn’t have enough photos – well, asking for more can be a sticky situation, so you may want to move on.
2. Old photos. Admittedly, this is a tough one to figure out, but you may notice she looks alot younger in the body shot than in some of the other shots. Also, if there is a big sign that says “Senior prom ‘97″ in the background, that’s another clue.
3. No body shot. Is body type important to you? Probably. Is honesty important, too? I hope so. So if the “body type” field says “slender,” and the lone top-of-the-shoulder you see in the few photos she has up hints otherwise, don’t hesitate to pass this one up.
4. Too good to be true. There doesn’t seem to be alot of spammers on Match.com, but on occassion you’ll run into a profile that consists of photos that are a bit too “professional” (like something out of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, except probably not that obvious). Give that “girl” your personal e-mail address, and you’ll be getting e-mails with addresses to ”her” ”webcam” for the rest of your life.
5. Watch out for “The Angles.” This is the most important thing to look out for (thus the title of the post). Sure, she may look pretty cute, on the left side of her, from way above. Be weary of anyone who seems to have avoided putting any straight-on face shot on their profile. If you notice the exact same pose in a number of photos - unless there’s some other really compelling reason you’re into her – run!

For more information on the topic of “The Angles,” refer to this movie:

Choosing an online dating screenname

Personally, I don’t pay a great deal of attention to a screenname on an online profile, but according to one study choosing the right screenname is important. Turns out that names like “fun2bewith” or “imsweet” tended to rank highly. But watch out, guys – don’t get too cute. Women were weary of names that were too flirtatious, while names that suggested a guy was well-cultured did alright.

What’s my recommendation? One of the most important goals of your online profile is to provide little conversation “nuggets” for when you finally do meet your dream woman. Sure, one of the other goals is to get her interested, but these things go hand in hand. So, I recommend going with something very personal or specific, and have a story ready for that inevitable question of what it means.

For example, let’s say you choose the screenname ”tratdigiorno,” because there was a romantic trattoria that you used to walk by when you were 12 years old, and when you looked at it, you thought to yourself “some day I’d like to take a gal there.” Boom – you have a screenname that is mysterious, original, personal, and with a great story to go along with it – and ultimately memorable. Pick your own, real story and screenname, though Some other things that may inspire your winning screenname may be literary or movie characters, food, influential people in your life, etc.. Whatever it is, the important traits are that it is specific/personal, and that it has a good story to go along with it, and that it’s all real.

Link via: The Dating Weblog